I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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