Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
