Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
