You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
