im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
