the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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