ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
