My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
