I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
