i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
