i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
