I hope mine doesn't look like that
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
