So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
