Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
