I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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