i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
