What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
