In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
