You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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