my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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