I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
