Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
