Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
