her vagine was all disorganized.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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