i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
