The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
