um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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