You smell like a Billy Joel song
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
