Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
