You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Swine flu. Run for my life!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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