you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
