What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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