Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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