i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
kristin has been a bad kristin
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
