yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
