There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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