i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
