There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
