My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
