I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
