I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
