um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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