every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
