where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
