if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
