I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
