I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
