Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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