omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
