I cannot find my penis.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
